Tigers on Hilltops: Facing Fear When Cancer Changes Everything

When faced with the devastating news of his wife's cancer diagnosis, Tony Stewart's world imploded. "It was just sort of mind-blowing, earth-shaking, the end of life as we had known it together," he shares with raw honesty. That fateful phone call launched Tony and his wife Lynn into a five-year journey that would transform their understanding of love, fear, and what it means to truly live.

The memoir's beautiful title "Carrying the Tiger" emerged from a friend's Tai Chi practice—the ritual of symbolically lifting your fear (the tiger) and placing it on a distant hilltop where it seems less threatening. This powerful metaphor became their touchstone as they navigated the complex medical landscape while simultaneously trying to appreciate each precious moment they still had together.

What makes Tony's story exceptional isn't just his vulnerability in sharing the medical odyssey, but his willingness to discuss the uncomfortable truths of caregiving. He candidly reveals moments of breakdown when exhaustion overwhelmed him, the complicated feelings that arose during Lynn's decline, and the guilt he experienced when finding new love shortly after her death. "I had thoughts that made me ashamed," he admits, normalizing the complex emotional landscape that caregivers often navigate silently.

Perhaps most remarkable is Tony's discovery that even in profound grief, joy remains possible. The hospice period, which lasted just two weeks, became paradoxically "the two most beautiful weeks" of his life—filled with deep connection, meaningful conversations about mortality, and the privilege of caring for someone he deeply loved. This counterintuitive finding—that beauty can coexist with heartbreak—offers hope to anyone facing loss.

Now studying to become a certified grief educator, Tony emphasizes the deeply personal nature of grieving: "Everyone grieves in their own way, at their own time and speed." His journey from devastated spouse to someone who can embrace new love while still honoring Lynn's memory demonstrates that moving forward isn't abandoning the past but carrying it with you as you create a new future.

Listen now to be inspired by this transformative story of resilience, love that transcends death, and the possibility of finding joy even in life's darkest moments. Then explore Tony's book "Carrying the Tiger: Living with Cancer, Dying with Grace, Finding Joy While Grieving," available wherever books are sold.

Chapters

• 0:24 The Origin of "Carrying the Tiger"
• 4:45 Introducing Tony Stewart
• 9:28 The Day Everything Changed
• 14:24 Different Ways of Coping with Anxiety
• 20:39 Dying with Grace: The Hospice Experience
• 27:45 Finding Joy While Grieving
• 31:22 Tony's Grief Education Journey